HB Field
By Nia Berrian, BCBA
I’m a mother, I’m a Board Certified Behavior Analyst, I’m here to tell you that if you are caring for a child with autism, you already know that the world loves to have opinions — especially when it comes to behaviors people don’t understand. The stares, the comments, the unsolicited advice, the family members who “mean well” but truly don’t get it… it can all weigh heavily on your heart.
But here’s the truth you deserve to hear clearly:
It is absolutely okay when your child engages in behaviors in public or around others.
It does not matter what people think.
What matters most is your child’s emotional safety and your patience, love, and presence.
Every stim, every meltdown, every moment of overwhelm is your child telling you something.
- They aren’t “acting out” or trying to embarrass you.
- They’re coping. They’re expressing.
- They’re navigating a world that is often too loud, too bright, too unpredictable.
And your job is not to make that communication palatable to strangers.
Your job is to understand it, honor it, and respond with compassion.
Read this twice or as often as needed:
- You don’t owe anyone an apology for your child’s needs.
- You don’t owe a stranger an explanation.
- You don’t need to justify why your child is stimming, pacing, humming, repeating phrases, covering their ears, or melting down.
- Your child’s comfort and safety will always be more important than someone’s opinion.
Other people’s discomfort is their responsibility — not yours, and definitely not your child’s.
Even loved ones may misunderstand your child’s behaviors, and you may hear comments like:
- “He should know better by now.”
- “She needs discipline.”
- “He’ll never learn if you allow that.”
- “You’re too patient with her.”
These words are rooted in misunderstanding — not truth.
- You are not “too patient.”
- You are exactly the parent your child needs.
Your child does not need to change who they are to make others more comfortable.
The world can adjust — not them — while you advocate for your child!
When your child is struggling, they’re borrowing your stability.
- Your patience is not weakness — it is strength.
- Your gentleness is not permissive — it is healing.
- Your presence is not optional — it is their anchor.
In moments where they feel overwhelmed, confused, or overstimulated, you are the reminder that they are not alone.
And that matters far more than maintaining a picture-perfect public appearance.
Taking your child out in public, even on the hard days, is brave.
Choosing compassion over shame is brave.
Ignoring the stares and focusing on your child is brave.
Honoring who they are instead of who others expect them to be is brave.
- Your child sees that.
- Your child feels that.
And most importantly — your child will remember that emotional safety you gave them long before they remember any challenging moment in public.
- Your child is not “too much”!!
- Their behaviors are not “bad”!!
- You are not failing!!
- You are not alone!!
- The world can wait!!
- Judgment can be ignored!!
Your child’s emotional safety is priceless!!!
You never need to shrink your child — or yourself — to make others comfortable.
You are raising a child who experiences the world differently. And you are doing it with love, patience, and resilience which is something to be incredibly proud of.
Every day, you show up with love, patience, and resilience, even when the world doesn’t always understand.
You advocate. You learn. You adapt. You celebrate the small victories others may overlook.
- That strength.
- That commitment.
- That unwavering heart.
It’s not a superpower — it’s a skill you had to adopt.
And remember:
- Your child doesn’t need perfection.
- Your child needs exactly you. 🤎
